The previous 4 articles of my autobiography:
- Autobiography (part 1): The Early Years
- Autobiography (part 2): Early Manhood
- Autobiography (part 3): The Pastoral Years
- Autobiography (part 4): The Dark, Scarlet Letter Years
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At the age of 40 I had experienced a wonderful life as a husband, father pastor and scholar. I had also experienced the shameful loss of marriage, ministry and educational pursuits. My relationship with my children had been severely damaged. Almost all of my Christian friends either ran away from me or considered that I had run away from them.
This article is about my journey following a winding road that sometimes veered near where I should have been. At other times the road steered far awy from the path on which I should have been.
Divorce
After the latest episode, we again started meeting with Dr. Eric Johnson from Southern Seminary. He had counseled with us after the adultery a few years previously. After a few weeks of this, my wife decided that she could not continue in the marriage. She filed for divorce. I did not want this, but shoulder all the responsibility for it happening. To this day I hope that she receives good for the evil which I brought her.
My Children
I love my four children very much. I hurt each of them deeply. My relationship was strained with all four of them. I had betrayed their mother. Cameron, the oldest, became his mother’s protector. All of them rallied around her in her pain. For this I am extremely grateful and proud of them. They did what they should have.
They did not push me away, but there was clearly a distance between them and me. My youngest, Bethany, was effected the most. As a young girl she had to grow up with Mom and Dad living separate lives. I did not do a good job of being there for her.
As the years have unfolded, all four of the kids have demonstrated a tremendous level of grace toward their fallen father. I count them as the dearest of my relations, my friends and my fellow followers of Jesus. When I see them or talk to them, I am overwhelmed with gratitude to God for restoring my relationship with them.
My Church
The church that I had served as pastor took a different path than did my children. In effect, they divorced themselves from me. I so wanted to be strengthened by them and build my life back as a part of the church. I am willing to grant that my perceptions could be skewed, but it seemed that it was their wish that I simply go away.
Within a matter of days of my separation from my wife (well before the divorce), the men of the church organized a work day at the house that was still in my name. I still had hopes of being back home soon. The problem with the work day was that nobody asked me. Not only did they not ask, nobody told me. They simply pushed me aside.
A bit later the church was creating a members directory complete with pictures. Guess who was not listed? I showed up for church early one Sunday and received a print out of the members with my name omitted.
I responded with anger and a growing bitterness. I met with the elders but we were clearly on different pages. Actually we were in different books. The senior pastor told me that the elders didn’t have time to deal with me. As the founding pastor, this was enough for me and I finally left. The church later merged with another church and relocated. I attended one of the early services after the merger and was alone amongst a crowd of people. I never went back.
The response at the seminary was a mirror of the church. I attended a chapel service. I was nearby a number of men that knew me well, yet all of them ignored me. Only recently have I stepped foot back on the campus.
The Exception
The lone exception during this time was Brian Vickers. Brian had become an elder at the church and is now a professor at the seminary. Brian asked me to meet him for coffee one morning. We continued meeting for a long time. After my 3 year hiatus in Florida, Brian and I have picked back up our weekly coffee meetings.
He would meet with me, listen to me, challenge me and encourage me. Had it not been for Brian I don’t know if I would ever have returned to church.
Away from the Church
For the next few years, I attended church little if at all. I met a young woman and dated her for almost two years. Our backgrounds were so opposite. She was a vegetarian, feminist social worker more in tune with an earth goddess religion. Our time together was at times exciting but at other times destructive. As we neared the end of our relationship, she encouraged me to return to the church. She was not a Christian, but knew that I was probably a better man if I was living as a Christian man.
About the time she was encouraging me to return to my Christian roots, Brian encouraged me to talk to Daniel Montgomery. Daniel was and is the pastor of Sojourn Community Church in Louisville.
So I met with Daniel at Highland Coffee. I was not going to make it easy for him. I now had a few years of bitterness piled on top of my own sinful actions. Part of my hoped that the meeting would go well. I was tired of being angry. I was tired of being bitter. I was tired of crying at night. I was tired of feeling estranged.
I unloaded my whole pitiful story on Daniel. I painted an ugly picture without much hope. Daniel listened. He then said to me (words that I won’t soon forget), “Frank, it seems that you still have a desire for God.”
I sat back and thought, “How did he get that out of all that I had just told him?” Yet, he was right. More than anything I wanted to be close to God. I wanted to really know that God could forgive and restore me.
I wish that I could say that the rest of the story was all rosy. I drew near…I pulled away. This was a pattern that I kept repeating. Yet, each time I was drawing a little closer and each time I was pulling away a little less.
Suzie
One night I met Suzette (Suzie). On our first meeting I informed her of the shameful way my marriage had ended. (I don’t recommend this strategy for those seeking a wife). We began dating and in 2004, we were married.
Suzie was not a Christian when we met (Again, I don’t recommend this, but God was gracious). Early last year Suzie did become a Christian. We were attending First Baptist Church of West Palm Beach. Suzie was baptized in the Atlantic Ocean and my heart rejoiced.
This past summer (2008), Dr. Jimmy Scroggins came to West Palm Beach to pastor our church. Guess from where he came? The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. Jimmy provided wonderful care and biblical teaching to our lives. He helped heal the wounds that I have had with the seminary and with the church in Louisville. He helped Suzie in the early days of her Christian journey.
We have recently moved back to Louisville. I miss the sunshine and the beach of South Florida, but I love being back where my life fell apart. I love being around my children and my two grandchildren. I hope to see my life flourish in the city in which it was nearly destroyed.
This is my story. It is still ongoing. Here is what I know:
- I have a growing relationship with Jesus.
- I have a great wife in Suzie whom I love deeply.
- I have 4 wonderful children and 2 children-in-law.
- I have 2 fantastic grandsons.
I am a blessed man who has been given another opportunity by God’s grace.
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I have enjoyed reading about your journey of grace and redemption. Enjoyed might not be the most appropriate word but I think you understand what I meant by it. Maybe sometime we will have the opportunity to meet. I believe there are a lot more who have experienced your struggles, just that theirs was not known or seen. Thanks for your honesty and keep up with the other great blogs.
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Thanks, Joe. I would love it if we have that meeting opportunity.
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